“If you're going to grow, you have to be intentional." -- Curt Kampmeier Everyone has innate characteristics that make up their personality, talents, and preferences that make us who we are. However, these wonderful traits also have vulnerabilities; some refer to these two sides as strengths and weaknesses, but I prefer to call them balconies and basements. There are two primary reasons I prefer "balconies and basements." The first is that it's easier for us to visualize a dark, dank basement and a bright, fresh balcony versus the variety of meanings that "strengths and weaknesses" may conjure. Secondly, balconies and basements are spaces we occupy; we choose which space we spend our time in, whereas strengths and weaknesses are less about choice and more about effort. When choosing what is a meaningful use of your time, you must learn to identify your basements and be intentional in choosing to occupy a brighter space. Six Core Traits In the book, Valorie identifies six core traits that influence how we choose what we give our time to optimism, accuracy, achievement, responsibility, approval, and accountability. Let's look at how these traits appear in our time choices. Optimism Balcony: excited, energetic, sees the positive Basement: difficulty dealing with negativity, underestimates how long things take, adds stress and false urgencies Accuracy Balcony: values excellence, pays attention to the details, disciplined Basement: fear of criticism, perfectionism, sets nearly impossible standards, makes things more difficult or complicated than they need to be Achievement Balcony: works tirelessly, committed, strong work ethic, Basement: doesn't know when to stop, driven by praise and recognition Responsibility Balcony: committed, conscientious, dependable Basement: overcommitted, doesn't know when to say "no", takes too much ownership, fear of things not getting done without you Approval Balcony: considerate, easy to get along with, go out of your way to be nice Basement: fear of disappointing others or being rejected by them, doesn't know how to say "no" Accountability Balcony: strong sense of fairness, quick to apologize for wrongs, conscientious Basement: overcompensates, overcommits, responds out of guilt "The busier you are, the more intentional you must be." -- Michael Hyatt Strategies to Move to the Balcony To move from the basement to the balcony in your time choices, you first need to be aware of your vulnerabilities and recognize when you are moving toward that basement and choosing false urgencies over what is meaningful. Once you are aware, you can develop intentional strategies to easily find your way to the balcony, even under pressure. Here are some ideas for how you might be intentional with those six core traits: Optimism "Put on your pessimistic hat and look for what might not go as planned. Decide how you'd handle the challenge. Talk to a more pessimistic peer who may be able to see the negatives that are hard for you to see right now. Give yourself extra time even if you don't think you need it. If your optimism was right, you'll be in great shape. If it was wrong, you'll be grateful for the buffer." Accuracy "Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Decide what 'good enough' is before you get started, and when you get to good enough, declare yourself finished and move on. 'Good enough' can be a high standard, but don't make it an impossible standard. Trust that progress is a process, and focus on learning and growing more than reaching a destination or beating a time clock. When you notice yourself being self-critical, pause. Then, intentionally switch to self-compassion: acknowledge your effort and progress. Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone you care about. Be kind to yourself." Achievement "Remind yourself that achievements do not make you more valuable. Your worth is not tied to what you do. Crave purpose, not praise. Be honest with yourself when you take on commitments. Ensure that you are doing something because it is meaningful, not because of the external accolades you'll receive. Decide what area of your life is worth the extra effort and in what area you'd rather be a deliberate 'underachiever.' If you are going to be a high achiever, do it strategically." Responsibility "Let others take responsibility for themselves. Stop reminding, prodding, or taking over. Be willing to let the ball drop when the outcome is not your responsibility. Allow others to experience the consequences of their behavior so they can grow and change. Add up the time you would save if you stopped doing what someone else is responsible for. Then ask, 'What might be a more meaningful use of that saved time?'" Approval "Realize that saying no when you need to allows you to say yes to what matters. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Say no and refuse to let your emotions rule your decisions. Don't take rejection personally, and remember there is no badge for going it alone. Be willing to ask for help if it will save you time." Accountability "Refuse to be manipulated by guilt. If you sense that is what's happening as you are making a time choice, step away. Say, 'Let me get back to you.' Removing yourself from the conversation will help you get your thoughts and words together. Guilt is about doing something wrong. Clarify what is right and what is wrong. Once you correct a mistake or fault, refuse to further overcompensate or waste time proving yourself. Let it go. Learn from it. Move forward." This week, consider the following questions: Which trait or traits resonate the most with your basement choices? What fear is driving those choices? What strategies can you build in your life to help you stay out of the basement and choose what is meaningful for your time?

“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist the parachute." -- George Bernard Shaw Do you ever find yourself looking at your calendar and thinking, "Sure, I can fit one more thing on that day," even though it's already fully scheduled? Or maybe you're habitually late to your appointments even though you fully intend to arrive on time? When was the last time you said "yes" to a new commitment before considering what that would do to your other commitments or time? You may be a time optimist if any of these questions resonate with you. "Optimism is defined as a mental attitude reflecting a belief or hope that the outcome of some specific endeavor, or outcomes in general, will be positive, favorable, and desirable. Optimism, not rudeness, is the reason so many people are consistently late to every appointment. Optimism, not disorganization, is the reason many managers overwhelm their teams with unrealistic expectations and deadlines. Time debt is often caused by time optimism." The Time Optimist While we often think of "optimism" as a desirable trait, it actually does more harm than good when it comes to time. Time optimists believe that they have more time than they do or that tasks take less than is realistic. But suppose we're not accurate with our time management. In that case, we may find that we are frequently running behind schedule, committing the things we don't have the time or desire for, increasing our stress and anxiety, and giving in to what is "urgent" but not meaningful. In our hectic lives, we want to do and achieve more, and optimism tells us we can, but what if there was a better way to live and work without compromising our optimism? "Whether we like it or not, there are moments in history when pessimism is the appropriate response." -- David Olusoga The Best Optimists Have a Pessimistic Streak Pessimism often has a negative connotation because while optimism looks for what could go right, pessimism looks for what could go wrong. Still, we often don't understand that there are three types of pessimism -- two we should avoid and one we desperately need to embrace. The first type is dispositional pessimism, which is what we typically think of as "pessimism"; this is a negative outlook for almost everything. Next comes explanatory pessimism, which refers to how we look at our failures and shortcomings, often seeing them as part of who we are and unable to change. The third type is defensive pessimism; this type looks ahead to find the potential problems and take steps to avoid or minimize them. The individuals who effectively manage their time are a combination of optimism and pessimism. Here's how: They are dispositional optimists: people with positive and can-do attitudes who always look for the good, tend to inspire others and believe the best about situations and people. They are explanatory optimists: people who attribute failure to external forces or temporary shortcomings; they do not personalize failure (i.e., "I am a failure."), believe their flaws can never be changed, or think that good things are mere luck. They are defensive pessimists: people who lower their expectations in preparation for worst-case scenarios and use their anxiety as a signal to adapt rather than be hindered by it. Positive Pessimism in Action When you can combine dispositional and explanatory optimism with defensive pessimism, you become a positive pessimist and give yourself the freedom to stop and think about your choices rather than giving into the "urgency" of life's demands. And these urgencies don't just sneak up on you; there are warning signs that can trigger your pessimistic streak: shallow breathing, tense muscles, pressure to hurry up, and a sense of obligation. A positive pessimistic will recognize these signs as an opportunity to stop and Breathe, Question whether this is meaningful or a false urgency, Reflect on the fears that pressure them to respond to the urgency, And choose what is truly meaningful over what seems urgent. This week, consider the following questions: When are you most tempted to be a time optimist? What would it look like to practice defensive pessimism in a situation or project in which you are being a time optimist right now? What steps can you take to practice defensive pessimism?

“Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four-hour days." -- Zig Ziglar Have you ever caught yourself wishing for more time? "I would love to do _______ if I had more time." In our busy world of doing more and acquiring more, this is our life mantra. The trouble is that it's faulty; we make time for what's important. Maybe you're thinking, "Well, that's just not true because I really would love to do _______, but I can't fit it into my already packed schedule," but this means that as much as you would love to do this or that, you've still ascribed more value to something else you use your time for instead. If you wish you had time to play a game with your kids but instead spend the day mowing the grass, you've ascribed more value to cutting the grass than playing with your children. That may sound harsh, but it's the reality. We make time for what's important to us. Meaningful Versus Fearful There is a big difference between what's important and what's meaningful. Mowing the lawn is important, but it may not be meaningful to you, and because we're on a journey of taking back our time to give it to what is truly meaningful, we must understand the root of our choices. If spending time with your kids is more meaningful than mowing the lawn, why would we ascribe more value to the grass than the kids? If you don't mow the lawn, it will get long. If it gets long, it looks unkempt. If it looks unkempt, the neighbors will start to think that you're lazy. If the neighbors think you're lazy, they won't like you. Is the good opinion of the neighbors more meaningful than building healthy relationships with your kids? This is only an example, so please don't think I'm telling you never to mow your grass. Still, I am telling you that the key to taking back your time is understanding what is meaningful for you in this season of life and opening yourself up to the possibilities of what embracing that could look like. For example, maybe, instead of sacrificing your time with your kids to mow the grass, you hire someone to mow the lawn for you, or you find time to mow the lawn when you can't be with your kids. However, this can be an uncomfortable process. "Our natural inclination is to put limits on our possibilities in order to stay safe. In a primitive sense, it is self-preservation. Remaining within the boundaries of what you know feels secure. Outside those boundaries is the uncertainty of the unknown. And even when the vision is something we truly want, uncertainty provokes fear. Fear demands that we shrink: make the dream smaller, and life will feel safer. Less change, less fear. But limiting yourself to only what feels comfortable can be self-sabotage." "Clarity of vision creates clarity of priorities." -- John C Maxwell It Starts with Vision "The art of choosing the meaningful is the art of creating a life in which you are fully present and able to use your time in ways that make your life more authentic and joyful, purposeful and satisfying." What is that you want for your life? What is meaningful for you in this season of life? How would you spend your time in an ideal world? Whatever this looks like for you, and it will look different for everyone, create a vivid picture of the possibilities and how they could shape your life if you allow them to. This is what creating a vision for your life looks like. It means having to say "no" to the things that do not align with your vision and be prepared for this to trigger your fears. Still, if your vision is clearly defined and embraces what is truly meaningful for you, you can move through the tunnel to the light on the other side, saying "yes" to only what helps build that vision. "In order to move toward the meaningful, we must clarify what is not as meaningful and be willing to give it up." Habits Carry Vision To manage our time and give it only to those things that propel us toward fulfilling our vision, we need to learn to manage our habits. Whether you are prone to procrastination or perfectionism, getting easily distracted or trying to please everyone, borrowing time from something else, neglecting to ask for help, or something else entirely, consider how these habits hinder your vision. "Major transformation in how we spend our time begins when we notice what's not working and are open to shifting our lives to respond to our needs and the needs of those we love. It continues when we are willing to reimagine the possibilities. When the way we spend our time feels chaotic and burdensome, it is a sing. Your job is to pay attention. You don't have to have all the answers right now, but if you get quiet and listen, they'll start to come to you. Fear will likely accompany them; expect it, but keep imagining. Change is possible." This week, consider the following questions: What would you like your life to look like so you can be more authentic, joyful, purposeful, and satisfied? What indicators can you use as a guardrail to know you are choosing what is meaningful instead of going over the edge of urgent? What fears threaten to keep you from embracing your vision?

“You can't make up for lost time. You can only do better in the future." -- Ashley Ormon "One of the consequences of living in a way that allows false urgencies to drive our decisions is that we hyperfocus on the present without looking up to consider a future created by our present-day choices." If you stop and consider your choices today, how will they impact your future? Or the future of your business? Or the future of your family? Every choice you make has consequences, for good or for bad. Considering those consequences and whether or not you want to pay the price of your choices means you need to be intentional about your choices through planning and reflection. It also means recognizing and understanding the value of your time. "Your time is a finite resource. Once it's gone, you cannot reclaim it." Make Peace with Lost Time What time would you like to get back if you could? Time you didn't spend with a loved one who is now gone? Time you gave to a toxic relationship or job? Time you spent making excuses for not pursuing your dreams? It's necessary to recognize what it means to lose time because this helps you learn to value the time you've been given and make better choices in the future. However, it can be tempting to allow that lost time to hold you back by beating yourself up, wallowing in regret, or giving in to anger or bitterness over your loss. "But none of those choices will change your reality or improve your future. In fact, those choice simply cause you to stack up more lost time by using your time in a way that keeps you stuck rather than moving forward." To make peace with your lost time, you need to offer yourself: Forgiveness - Give yourself grace to be human and make mistakes. Self-compassion - Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge your struggle. Gratitude - Be thankful that you can learn from your mistakes and do things differently in the future. "You cannot predict the future, but you can create it. " -- Peter Drucker Managing the Present "At the core of most lost-time decisions is the choice to put off the hard work of planning, getting clarity, and counting the costs. It is precisely when you don't have time to lose that you are most likely to make decisions that will ultimately lead to lost time. The busier you are, the more likely you are to put off the deep thinking you need to do." Furthermore, there are key habits of our fast-paced culture that make it that much easier to lose our time: Changing gears - you can only give attention to so many things at once before your thinking and decision-making deteriorate. This habit encompasses multi-tasking, trying to pack more into an hour than you can reasonably accomplish, and not allotting time between tasks or meetings to take a breath, eat a healthy meal, use the bathroom, or transition your thinking and focus. Goal and decision fatigue - your mental resources are limited, you only have so much energy, and it gets used up as you give away your attention. So when you go to the grocery store after a grueling day at work, you're more likely to buy out the snack food aisle and forget to pick up what you wanted to make for dinner. Paradox of choice - there is an abundance of choices before you, an infinite amount in most cases, but staring down all those options can be debilitating, exhausting, and anxiety-producing. The ideal is to limit your choices by clarifying what will make the choice meaningful so you don't get overwhelmed. Looking to the Future Picture your future self. Where do you live? What career do you have? Who do you spend your time with? How do you use your resources (money, time, knowledge, etc.)? "Choosing the meaningful is an intentional act. It is not haphazard." It takes a vision of the future you want to create; acknowledging the life you want to have helps you to plan with your future self in mind. Looking back ten years from now, what will you wish you had done differently? Don't wait for the regret; make the hard choice and do it differently now. This week, consider the following questions: Where are you "losing time" with activities or choices that are not meaningful? What would be a more meaningful choice in this season of your life? Are you willing to make that new choice, and when will you do it?

“Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got." -- Art Buchwald Has anyone ever asked you, "How are you doing?" and you answer them by telling them about all the ways you've been busy? "Oh, it was a crazy busy week, but I'm good!" I caught myself using this very response this week! They didn't ask me what I was doing, but how I was doing, but somehow those two things have become synonymous in our thinking, maybe because the assumption is that people are just being polite, not really interested in us. But there are so many ways that we could answer a question like "How are you doing?" We could respond with our emotional state at that moment or over the period since we last saw the individual, "I've been feeling..." Or, we could respond with information about something impactful that happened, "I'm good because I'm learning about..." These are just a couple of examples of ways we could honestly respond to that question without making our well-being about our busyness. "If we want to understand how we, as a society, have arrived at the point where being overwhelmed is the norm, busyness is a status symbol, and we feel naked without our phones, we must take a look at where we started and how expectations morphed over time to accommodate progress." The Progress of Expectations Through the march of time, as technology has progressed, our expectations have increased, meaning what used to be considered a "luxury" is now considered a "necessity." In the early 1800s, our primary needs included food, clothing, shelter, and work tools, most of which were produced by your family or purchased locally. After the Industrial Revolution, luxuries such as indoor plumbing, electricity, and faster means of transportation transitioned to necessities. From the late twentieth century to today, our necessities became things like personal computers, televisions, high-speed internet, smart technology (i.e., phones, tablets, watches, etc.), electric cars, and convenience. The Progress of Money With these luxuries-turned-necessities, it has become more and more expensive to meet our rising expectations, which are not only created by our wants and desires but also influenced by our awareness of what others have and say we should want too through television, social media, and advertising. In addition, people began shifting their attitude toward personal debt. It wasn't until the 1950s that the idea of "buy now, pay later" became an option to meet our rising expectations and expenses. The first revolving credit card, introduced in 1958 by Bank of America, altered our expectations of what was possible. We no longer needed to save up for that purchase or trip; we could put it on a credit card and worry about paying it back later. "The idea of borrowing is now woven into the fabric of our economy. The new normal is to borrow decades into your future." "Time is really the only capital that any human being has and the only thing he can't afford to lose. " -- Thomas A. Edison The Progress of Time Another impact of the Industrial Revolution was that time was no longer regulated by nature. Before, we may have worked from sun up to sun down, but with the invention of electricity, work hours were no longer limited to daylight, and with the rise of machinery, we no longer relied solely on work animals to set the pace. "As new technology makes life more convenient and efficient, the acquisition of such technology costs money -- and for most people, that means it costs more time." The progress of technology also led to an increase in people trading their time for a paycheck. But this meant that individuals were no longer in charge of their schedules; instead, how their work hours were determined by their employers and the business demands. As we utilize "time as a commodity, it feels scarcer, and how it is spent becomes more consequential." The Progress of Happiness While our advancements have made life easier, more comfortable, and more convenient, our expectations and drive for success (more money, more possessions, more opportunities) have made finding meaning and happiness in our daily lives more difficult. Research indicates that our overall happiness is decreasing while our rates of depression have more than doubled. "Happiness is largely a product of expectations. As times have changed, what has changed about our time is that we have much higher expectations about how much we should be able to do with the finite time we have." Additionally, the things we think will make us happy (i.e., that new car or phone) are short-lived experiences that ultimately add more stress to our lives. To find our way back to what truly makes us happy and helps us find meaning in our everyday lives, we need to: Evaluate every opportunity and intentionally choose what is truly worthy of our time and energy, Have a clear long-term vision for our lives, along with an understanding of the help we need and the changes that we will need to make to take back our time, Consider the things that we think of as necessities and determine if they are truly worth the monetary and time costs associated with them, and Determine the best ways to alleviate your stress around debt and other financial and time commitments subtracting from what's important to you. "The feeling of being overwhelmed and overloaded did not happen overnight. By peeling back the layers of change, we can begin to understand what's happened, and we can start to put our finger on the paradox of free time in which climbing the ladder of success no longer means having a life with more leisure or even more happiness, but instead, a life in which we feel continually compelled to do more." This week, consider the following questions: What can you do to remind yourself of the need to pause and disconnect from the accelerated pace of modern life? In what ways has your own life story been impacted by the changes that have become the new normal over the last half century (debt, dual-income or single-person/single-parent household, more opportunity, etc.)? What impact do these norms have on your time?

“New technology is not good or evil in and of itself. It's all about how people choose to use it." -- David Wong John Maynard Keynes, born in 1883 in the UK, was the foremost economist of his time. He saw the magic of technology from air travel, automobiles, electric refrigerators, air-conditioning units, neon lights, escalators, pop-up toasters, teabags, instant coffee, disposable razor blades, plastic wrap, zippers, and so much more. For Keynes, technology was an advancement in how people lived, so much so that in 1930 he proudly proclaimed that grandchildren of his generation would only work about three hours a day and only if they wanted to. Is it just me, or is that a laughable thought? I don't know about you, but I don't work only three hours daily. The average full-time worker in the US puts in 8.53 hours per weekday and 5.89 hours per weekend. And that's for the average person, not to mention those who are slightly more crazy. This illustrates that the assumed "purpose of technological progress was to make life easier and more leisurely," but most don't experience technology that way. Instead, our expectations are higher, our pace is more hectic, and our schedules overflow. However, this isn't technology's fault; this is a problem inside us. Are You a Frog in the Pot? Human beings are poor predictors of two key things that are important in using technology. First, we are poor predictors of what will make us happy long-term. We've all done this, "If I just had ______, I would be happy," but then you get whatever you filled that blank with, and you are happy for a while. But after a while, the happiness starts to wear off, and you think, "Well, if only I had _______, I would be happy again," and the cycle goes on and on and on. The second thing we are terrible predictors of is the impact of changing norms. What I mean by this is that as technology and culture change around us, we adapt to it without stopping to think about how it affects our lives. We become like a frog placed in a pot of cool water who doesn't notice when the temperature starts to climb because it happens so gradually until it's too late. Technology has saved us time, but we didn't increase our leisure as John Maynard Keynes thought we would; we simply piled on more expectations, and whether we like it or not, it's slowly killing us. Where is Your Attention? "We adapt to continually improving circumstances, and therefore technological advances don't convert to less work or more leisure. Instead, they tend to lead to one of two things: (1) taking on more and more in less and less time or (2) finding new ways to fill our saved time." As such, it's so essential that we intentionally choose how we spend our time. But as we've seen, we can't simply look at the norms around us and expect them to be good for us; instead, we need to create our own norms to help us thrive. "Technology is a useful servant but a dangerous master." -- Christian Louis Lange What is Unchecked Technology Doing to You? If technology is not harnessed and put in its proper place in our lives, the norms it creates for us will slowly destroy us by wearing out our willpower, preventing deep thought, reducing our ability to make decisions, and causing physical and psychological strain. Research shows that exercising our will (making decisions) depletes our mental energy. Meaning that after a day of constantly deciding which phone calls, texts, emails, Zoom meetings, and notifications to respond to our wills get burnt out, which means we have less energy for making other decisions like how to spend time with our family, what healthy meal to make for dinner, etc. Additionally, we are losing our ability to think deeply between social media reels, TikTok, and the snippets of information that we are bombarded with all day. Because we've designed our information to be processed in short bursts, our brains actually have less time to digest the information and store it in long-term memory, which means that our brains are unable to make connections with the information and "forge the understanding, creativity, and perspective that make us uniquely human." Along the same lines, while we often praise those who can multi-task, research at Stanford University indicates that those who multi-task have difficulty determining and prioritizing what's important. So if you've ever found yourself spending hours just scrolling social media or watching funny cat videos, this is one of the reasons why you do it. It can also cause several health issues, such as poor posture, strained muscles, insomnia, headaches, and addictive behaviors. "Most people report feelings of anxiety when separated from their smartphones." Studies also show when we are separated from our technology of choice, we experience withdrawal "symptoms such as increased blood pressure and heart rate, a sense of loss, and a diminishment of their extended self." This week, consider the following questions: In what way is technology consuming your time more than it saves you time? How might your joy and productivity change if you regained control of that time?

“Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time." -- Jim Rohn In today's world, we are connected to everyone and everything whenever we want to be (and even when we don't want to be). In some ways, technology has made our lives easier and more efficient, but it has also made managing our time and pursuing what is truly meaningful that much more challenging. As Valorie Burton writes, "If the new normal is doing too much with too little time, technology is the engine that makes the new normal operate." But technology itself is not inherently bad; it only becomes "bad" when we do not properly manage ourselves. Our poor time management and the ability to separate what is meaningful from what feels urgent is the true villain, not the smartphone, smartwatch, or tablet. When we fail to set boundaries, this new normal of getting more done at any hour and from any location is approved and perpetuated. Our Expectations There is a great sense of pressure, especially in American culture, to get more, do more, be more. As a result, we have higher expectations of ourselves and those around us. For ourselves, these expectations often result from comparing our lives to those of others, fueled by social media and the entertainment industry. But success isn't a universal metric. What success is for one person doesn't have to be the same for someone else. "Heightened expectations about what success and happiness look like can lead you on a path that holds little meaning, at a pact that's dangerous, for a reward that will prove empty." If the expectations we put on ourselves are not enough, we also have the expectations others set for us. We often change our behavior and make choices to meet those expectations -- in the workplace, in the family, in the church, and in the community. We are often willing to rise to these expectations because we feel like it's the only way to be accepted, gain security, or have value. Finally, because we and others expect so much of us, we turn those expectations on others. "With less time available to do what we need to do, we have less tolerance for those who take up our time. The temptation is to be less generous with our time yet expect others to be generous with theirs. We expect our needs to be met instantly, and that means that we can become demanding and impatient if we are not careful. We can assign urgency to things that don't require it and lack patience for the things that are meaningful." The Problem With Heightened Expectations These expectations set a standard for life that is unrealistic, unsustainable for the long-term, and ultimately robs us of our happiness and sense of worth. But we've been swept up in the misunderstanding that if we are busy, busy, busy, we must be important because we crave a meaningful life. In today's culture, "busyness has become a status symbol. We see someone stretched for time as someone who is in demand. And if you are in demand, you must be important. Meaning is defined as significance, importance, relevance, and that which is worthwhile. But when we mistake busyness for importance, we pursue it in our search for meaning, and we devalue rest, leisure, and play, all of which are essential to healthy functioning." "Beware the bareness of a busy life." -- Socrates The Good News But just because these expectations and norms exist doesn't mean we must accept them or give them a place in our lives. We have a choice; we can either ignore our feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety caused by trying to live up to these expectations, pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, and push through until we're burnt out and neglecting everything that truly does have meaning; or we can stop and reflect on what we are doing and why we are doing it to search out what is truly meaningful for us. This takes courage and intentionality. Because once you have stopped to reflect, then you need to do something to change the way you use your time, and it won't be easy. Once you decide to go against the "norm" and build boundaries and meaning into your schedule, the world will push back; it takes more effort to paddle upstream than float with the current. But it's worth it. "Making such a shift will go against norms, but it will also refresh your soul. It will quench your thirst for meaning and joy in your everyday life. It will restore a sense of control and purpose. Be honest with yourself and others about your needs, and you will be liberated to live a life that is authentic to you -- the life you were created to live." This week, consider the following questions: What expectations do you have of yourself that drain your time and create unnecessary pressure? What expectations do you embrace, not because they are meaningful to you, but because they are the norm everyone else embraces? How do you treat others as a result of your expectations of yourself and them? How would your stress level and happiness change if you adjusted your expectations?

“Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." -- William Penn The movie In Time was released in 2011, starring Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried, and Cillian Murphy, as a futuristic, sci-fi version of Robin Hood. The movie's plot is that people live in a world where time is the currency; the poor die young, and the rich live forever (without aging past 25). Unlike in the movie, we cannot get more time by collecting a paycheck, cutting back our spending, or receiving an inheritance. We only have the time we've been given -- not a second more, not a second less. As we work through our new book, It's About Time, by Valorie Burton, we will better understand how we can use the time we've been given to engage in what is truly meaningful and avoid "false urgencies." The New Normal is Not Normal If you're anything like me, you often think you can accomplish significantly more in your 24-hour day than you can. And when you fail to get it all checked off the list, you feel like you didn't get anything done, even if you did. "Our culture makes it so that even the most organized and efficient among us feels the pressure of the ticking clock and the possibility and regret of missing out." In other words, we're set up by our very environments to fall prey to stress, pressure, and overload because our culture says it's normal to go, go, go all the time. We pack our schedules so full that if we wake up 15 minutes late, we've already fallen behind in our day. While our culture may pressure you into thinking this is "normal," the reality is that most of these urgent things that demand our time and attention are fake. We give them our attention because we think they give our lives meaning, but the pace most of us assume is slowly killing our bodies, relationships, identities, and joy. They focus our lives on doing more than on being. However, "if we intentionally choose what's meaningful over the false urgencies that try to demand our attention daily, then we can reclaim our time and live lives that we will look back on with peace rather than regret." Urgent versus Meaningful "The option in front of us about how to spend our time are not equal. They may feel equal, especially the tasks and opportunities that have become the norm, that others deem important, and that are celebrated and rewarded with tangible and immediate feedback. Today there are even more time demands that fit into this category: unnecessary or unproductive meetings, social media, overinvolvement in extracurricular activities, or anything that feels urgent even though, in the grand scheme of life, it isn't." "False urgency steals time from the things that are meaningful. Your to-do list may feel urgent. Your self-imposed deadlines may stress you out. But what if you stepped back and asked yourself, "What is the most meaningful choice I can make right now?" To discover what is meaningful, we first need to value ourselves and our time; we can't determine if something is worth our time if we don't know what our time is worth. When our insecurities (i.e., FoMO, people pleasing, etc.) devalue our time, we take it for granted and are more likely to squander it. It's that much harder to say "no" to requests that are not meaningful, set boundaries with people who would use up or abuse our time, and use our time wisely (a.k.a. not waste it). Once we have a firm grasp on how valuable our time is, we should evaluate every "time expense" in light of that. Will your participation be valuable tomorrow, next year, or ten years from now? Does it teach you something or help you grow? Does it move your life in the direction you want to go? Does it add value to someone else and positively impact their life? "Spent in meaningful ways, your time can build a life you are excited to live, heal and build relationships, and create a positive legacy that multiplies your impact. But if your perspective is skewed about the true value of your time, you won't see the urgency of making a change." "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -- J.R.R. Tolkien A New Kind of Poverty Harvard economist, Sendhil Mullainathan, identified two new types of poverty: time poverty and bandwidth poverty. Time poverty is when we incur "debt" from engaging in too many obligations. Overspending our time is much like overspending our money: we borrow from future resources but often fall behind and feel the pressure of never being able to catch up. Bandwidth poverty is a lack of attention because we give it to too many things that spend our mental energy. When we stretch our mental resources too thin, it negatively impacts our decisions, increases our stress levels, and devalues our commitments. "The world we live in today is more demanding than the world our parents and grandparents and ever we grew up in. There are more options and distractions. Your brain isn't wired for what you deal with daily, and if you're not careful, the way you react to the environment you have been thrust into can literally make you feel as though it's nearly impossible to change." What are your true priorities, and how does the way you spend your time reflect those priorities? What stresses you most about the time challenges you face, and what do you control that could ease that stress? Looking into the future, what is your hope for the big change you would like to see for yourself and your family? This week, consider the following questions: Make a list of your "time expenses," the activities that reflect how you spend your time (i.e., sleeping, eating, working, taking care of family, watching TV/movies, etc.) Besides each time expense, write the cost of that activity in hours and minutes per day, week, and month. Calculate the percentage of each of your time expenses against your allotted allowance (#/24 hrs. in a day, #/168 hrs. in a week, #/720 hrs. in a month) Resist the temptation to judge yourself by the results. This exercise builds awareness so you know where and how to change for a better future.

“We are today where our conversations have brought us. We will be tomorrow where our conversations take us." As we've been exploring, transformation doesn't just happen. It requires intentional action, both individually and with those you can bring alongside you. Part of this intentional action needs to include positive communication. Before we can start positive communications, we need to change how we see the situation we want to transform because "how we see things determines how we say things, and how we say things always influences -- and often determines -- how they turn out." Changing your perspective means Believing that you have options and that there are possible solutions (often more than one) available to you, Seeking and finding hope in every situation, and Thinking and speaking in terms of "how" and "when," not "if." Only then can you communicate in a way that fuels the kind of change you want to see. Maybe you're reading this and thinking that you've tried talking about the problems, and nothing happens. But that's the problem with our communication today; we talk about our problems wishing something would change. The type of communication we lack to inspire transformation is about finding solutions, not fixating on the problems; listening instead of just talking; having conversations instead of rants; and focusing on what brings us together rather than what drives us apart. Transformation Conversations Start With Reality Positive communication doesn't ignore what's happening just to be positive. Problems aren't solved, and obstacles aren't removed by sticking your head in the sand. But instead of ignoring the problems or complaining about them, transformation conversations sound more like this: "Yes, we have a problem (acknowledge and define), but there are solutions (belief in possibilities), and we must be part of the solutions (intentional participation)." Transformation Conversations Generate Better Ideas & Solutions "When it comes to generating ideas, dialogues are always better than monologues." As the saying goes, two heads are better than one. Each person you bring to the table with these transformation conversations brings unique perspectives and experiences that can help generate ideas and solutions you may not have come up with on your own. Transformation Conversations Offer Hope According to psychologist Shane Lopez, "When we hope, we have high expectations for the future and a clear-eyed view of the obstacles that we need to overcome to get there." People characterized by low hope will accept that nothing will change, whether referring to themselves, others, or the world. They avoid the problem, feed their fears, shut down, and give up. On the other hand, people characterized by high hope will challenge the status quo. They engage in solutions, feed their faith, get inspired, and get working. "You're optimistic if you think the future will be better than the present... You're hopeful if you think that the future will be better, and you have a role in making it so." -- Shane Lopez Transformation Conversations Celebrate Successes Through Storytelling Telling good stories in your conversations move people's emotions, and communicate truths in a language that our brains are wired to understand, which means that they stick with us long after we've left the table and inspire us to apply the story to our lives. In the words of Vanessa Boris, "Telling stories is one of the most powerful means that leaders have to influence, teach, and inspire." Transformation Conversations Provide a Supportive Community We are social creatures, so when we get together with others and have honest, positive conversations, we create supportive communities. People can encourage one another, express their belief in the change, engage in tough decisions, and mentor one another in navigating their paths. Transformation Conversations Activate People's Potential One of the most significant purposes of transformational conversations is to reveal potential -- they move us to make decisions that stretch us and better us, both individually and corporately, and they inspire us to live with intentionality (purpose-driven action). This is true for you and for those you have these conversations with. This week, consider the following questions: How is your perspective affecting your communication? What do you need to have a transformational conversation about? Who do you need to include in this conversation? When can you have this conversation?

“Measure what matters." -- John Doerr I love to play games, and I'm currently hooked on a couple of different ones. I've got my weekly game marathon with my mom, during which we challenge one another to one or more games of Yahtzee or Scrabble, depending on the day. In a traditional playing of either of these games, success (or winning) is measured by a high score. My mom and I take this to a whole new level by tracking the highest score overall, and we've got data going back years. Additionally, I love to play solo games, like Wordle and Cozy Grove, in which success isn't measured by a high score but rather by performance. In games like these, you track your success by how many days you play in a row, how quickly you can solve the puzzle, how many tasks you can complete, etc. Successful transformation in our little corners of the world needs to get measured in similar ways because keeping score brings energy, growth, and fulfillment to our lives. Measurement matters because activity doesn't necessarily equal success. You can be working your tail off doing one thing and still never achieve the desired results because you were working hard at the wrong thing. Co-author of this book, Change Your World, Rob Hoskins, experienced this measurement disconnect in his organization, so he developed "a simple framework to ensure that whatever problem he was trying to solve or issue he was addressing or circumstance he was determined to transform, he would gather data, track progress, and measure positive change." He calls this framework the "Five Ds." Discover "It's good to slow down and ask the right questions, but not everyone does -- or does it well." This step is necessary if we want to fully understand the reality of the problem, issue, or circumstance we are trying to transform. Ask questions and seek answers that help Reveal the truth of what's going on, Look at the hard facts, and Know who you should include in the work. Design "When you have the facts from your discovery phase, you can quickly cut through the noise and uncertainty of what to do next;" only then can you effectively design a plan for moving forward. Describe the current scope of the problem based on the discovery process. Envision what you want to change as a result of the plan. Identify all the steps needed (at least as far as you can tell) to move from your current reality to your transformed reality. Make a list of the people and resources you will need to follow these steps. Set an aggressive but realistic timeline for completion, along with incremental checkpoints. Deploy Once you have a plan, it's time to stop talking and get to work. Start small and measure everything. This makes it easier to track your progress and change course when you realize that something isn't working. "Don't expect everything you do to give you an equal return. Most of the change you desire to see will come from only 20% of what you're doing." "An objective has a set of concrete steps that you're intentionally engaged in and actually trying to attain." -- Bill Gates Document "In order to figure out what's really going on and how you can make a positive difference, you have to document the results of your activity and ensure they are contributing to the outcomes you desire." Document the following: What works and what doesn't, The number of lives changed, The specifics of what changed, and The specifics of why the change was made. Dream Measurement should always be circular. Once you've determined whether your efforts are succeeding or not, and the specifics around that, it's time to start back at the beginning with a bigger and better piece of the vision. "Your progress will give you the momentum to go through the cycle again, but this time with bigger goals in mind." Expand on what you've already learned. Verify you're heading in the right direction. Conduct a reality check to determine if different changes need to be made. Collaborate with the people you're partnered with to discuss what efforts need to be multiplied and which need to be eliminated. Go bigger and do it all again... and again... and again. This week, consider the following questions: Which stage of the framework are you currently in? What are your current practices of measurement? What steps could you take today to improve your measurement?

“Vision and mission are the head and heart of people. But values are their soul." -- John C. Maxwell Values are the guiding principles of your life and business -- they direct your attitude, choices, and behaviors. And when they are good values, draw others to you because your life and work demonstrate your commitment to benefit rather than harm. As John Maxwell often says, "Everything rises and falls on leadership," If you want your leadership (and everything else along with it) to rise, you need two things: competence and values. The good news about both of these attributes is that they can be learned. If you're unsure if you're a competent leader, I would encourage you to ask someone who knows you, cares about you, and has experienced or observed your leadership. If you're not satisfied with your level of competence, you can visit my website to schedule a chat with me to discover your options to improve your leadership effectiveness. We often take our values for granted, but we shouldn't just think that putting some nice words in a list means we have good values. We also take the values of others for granted, thinking that they will naturally learn and live good values. Experiencing the value of values means that you need to not only know your values but also be intentional to live your values. "Nothing impacts your life every day more than your values." Good Values Make Positive Change Possible There are a lot of things about our world, even ourselves, that we cannot change, but "no matter where or when you were born, no matter how much or how little talent or intelligence you possess, no matter the circumstance of your upbringing, you can learn, embrace, and practice good values." Values are a choice; when you choose to have good values, you make positive change possible. Good Values always value People When you choose good values, you choose to value others. When you live good values, you have the power to see those who may otherwise be invisible, to lift up those who maybe be broken, to heal those who have been devalued, and to empower those who want to bring about their own positive transformation. Valuing people is one of the most important things you can ever do to bring about change in your world and demonstrate good values. Good Values Must be Personal "If you want to change your world, you must internalize good values yourself before you will be able to change anything outside of you." No one can choose good values for you. No one can live good values for you. Your values need to be deeply personal if they are going to have any impact on your life or the lives of others. "If we want to change our world, we can't just climb the ladder of success. We need to climb the ladder of good values." -- John C Maxwell Good Values Create Stability Good values give your world structure and support for long-term resilience and sustainability. "Positive transformation comes from living out what never changes in a time when everything around you seems to be changing" because good values help you stay on track when things get difficult. They are like a compass that will always point you north. Good values Establish Trust For people to thrive together -- whether a family, a team, a workforce, a community, etc. -- they must learn to trust one another. Rob Hoskins identifies generosity (giving up resources for the benefit of more than just me), humility (giving up my status, importance, or power to lift others up), and integrity (doing the right thing even when no one is watching) as the three foundational values that you need to consistently demonstrate to build trust. "These are the characteristics that form the bedrock of who we work with, where we work together, and how we get things done." Good Values are Better Lived Than Spoken Saying you have good values is not the same as living good values. If you genuinely want to change your world, you must "walk the walk, not just talk the talk." "When our words are backed up with consistency in our actions, we gain credibility." Good Values Make You More Valuable When you live good values, you change your thinking, perception, feelings, attitude, words, and actions. All of this will help you create positive change in your world. And when you live good values, you will attract others to come alongside you to do as you do. This week, consider the following questions: Which of the following values would you like to see most within your culture and communities? Attitude Gratitude Listening Responsibility Commitment Hope Communication Love Self-Regulation Humility Perseverance Self-Worth Courage Initiative Personal Growth Servanthood Fairness Integrity Priorities Teachability Forgiveness Kindness Relationships Teamwork Generosity Leadership Respect Work Ethic How can you internalize and model these values to make positive change possible, add value to others, create stability, establish trust, or draw others to you?

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” — African Proverb Last week we looked at the key elements of creating a team ready to change your world: "People working together always accomplish more than individuals who labor alone." But sometimes, despite our best efforts, a movement toward change doesn't happen. Maybe it's because of a lack of unity or clarity of vision. Perhaps it's because the group is focused on what it stands against rather than what it stands for. Perhaps it's a lack of transformative leadership. Or maybe your group lacked the necessary structure or support that helps "people fighting for the cause work together, communicate, and be more effective." Or perhaps you hit a roadblock when you started to think that money or resources were the answer to the problem. So how do transformational movements happen? Top-Down: It Requires Leadership "Transformation begins with influence, and influence always flows from the top down, like a waterfall, not upward." If you want to initiate a change movement, the leadership at the top must be involved. Whether you want to change your business, government, community, church, etc., lasting change only happens if the leaders "give their voice, approval, influence, and involvement to the movement." Bottom-Up: It Encourages Mobility "While influence flows down, transformation climbs up." Any meaningful change movement will work to add value to and improve the lives of those around you. And when people's lives improve, they are given the freedom to dream of something different and better; as a result, they rise to call. Their thinking will shift from "How do I get through this?" to "How can I help someone else?" Inside-Out: It Embraces Values "The origin [of every movement] is always in the heart of a person. It is an expression of the heart, birthed in the values that person has embraced, and from there, it flows outward and manifests itself in the individual's behaviors and communication." Everyone has the potential to be transformed and participate in a transformational movement. First, they need to recognize their intrinsic value before considering how to add value to others. They must also understand that "the only thing between them and a better life is their willingness to live good values." "The easiest thing is to react. The second easiest thing is to respond. But the hardest thing is to initiate." -- Seth Godin Side by Side: It Desires Partnerships "As the challenge escalates, the need for teamwork elevates." Research has identified that there are ten key elements to any successful partnership: Complementary strengths A common mission Fairness Trust Acceptance Forgiveness Communicating Unselfishness Time Value of the partner's contribution Few to Many: It Enables Growth "Mass movements don't begin with the masses. They begin with a few people. When people can sit around the table together as equal contributors, everyone wins." Creating a safe space for people to come together, learn, and share allows them the opportunity to grow and impact others like them. Here to There: It Leads to Transformation "The ultimate goal of any movement is to create a better future. It starts with good values. Good values create growth. Growth creates transformation. Transformation creates movement. Movement creates change. And change help us cross over into a better future." Transformation movements don't have to be big, but they do have to be meaningful. Remember, a single drop changes the surface of the water. This week, consider the following questions: Which of these elements do you identify with most? How can you participate in a movement for change using that element?