“Every next level of your life will require a different you." -- Leonardo DiCaprio I've always loved the goldfish analogy for growth: a goldfish will only grow as big as its environment allows. So, if you put a goldfish in a small bowl, you'll barely see any growth compared to putting it in a large tank, pond, or river. The idea behind 10x growth is very similar. According to the author, Dr. Benjamin Hardy, what makes 10x so difficult for someone to achieve is not that 10x is so much greater than 2x or that it takes more time, energy, or effort, but rather that "most people are afraid to commit fully to the 10x process because it inevitably requires letting go of your current identity, circumstances, and comfort zone." In other words, jumping from our small, comfortable fish bowl into a larger one requires us to change who we think we are and what we think we are capable of. "Most people reach for just a little bit more -- a promotion, a little more money, a new personal record. Going for incremental progress is a 2x mindset, which, at a fundamental level, means you're continuing or maintaining what you're already doing. You're letting the past dictate what you do and how you do it." 10x isn't About More. It's About Less. Often, when we think of 10x of anything, it means more, right? 2x2 is 4 but 10x2 is 20. However, the reality of 10x growth is not more steps, more gadgets, or more of anything, but rather "extreme simplification." Dr. Hardy uses Steve Jobs and the design of the iPod as his core example for this point, saying, "[Steve Jobs] removed all aspects of owning music that people didn't want and provided technology that made the experience of music 10x better and easier." How have you overcomplicated your activity, thinking that "more" would help you achieve more significant growth? 10x Isn't Quantity. It's About Quality. It's no secret that our attention is a finite resource, so why do we think that if we add more activity, we will reach our potential? 2x is focused on quantity, while 10x is focused on quality. "Going 10x means your attention is directly on far less, but it's insanely more potent and impactful because it's focused rather than spread thin." What do you give your attention to that distracts from who you want to be and what you want to achieve? "Anything that is alive is in a continual state of change and movement. The moment that you rest, thinking that you have attained the level you desire, a part of your mind enters a phase of decay." -- Robert Greene 10x Isn't About Any Specific Outcome. It's About the Process. In today's culture, we have become obsessed with outcomes and metrics, and while these things play their part in our development, 10x is not just about seeing 10x results but rather is a capability we develop. "It's an operating system you deploy for dramatically expanding your vision and standards, simplifying your strategy and focus, identifying and removing non-essentials, developing mastery in unique areas, and leading and empowering others who excitedly share your vision. 10x is the vehicle for transforming yourself and your life." How could adopting this 10x operating system change your life and business/work? 10x Isn't About Limitations. It's About Freedom. You might be tempted to think about an operating system or a filter for your daily activity as limiting what you can and can't do, but shifting your mindset and your activity for a 10x simpler, easier, and better way of living allows you to take ownership of your life and leads to greater freedom. Dan Sullivan identifies four fundamental freedoms that 10x-people are looking for: Freedom of Time: 10x allows you to spend time on the things that matter. Freedom of Money: 10x allows you to generate more and waste less. Freedom of Relationship: 10x allows you to expand your network and influence continuously. Freedom of Purpose: 10x gives you greater opportunities and options. Which of these freedoms would you like to experience in your life and/or business?

“Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power." -- Lao Tzu As we bring this book to a close today, let's review the principles that we have learned regarding power: Power is about altering the states of others. Power is part of every relationship and interaction. Power is found in everyday actions. Power comes from empowering others in social networks. Groups give power to those who advance the greater good. Groups construct reputations that determine the capacity to influence. Groups reward those who advance the greater good with status and esteem. Groups punish those who undermine the greater good with gossip. Enduring power comes from empathy. Enduring power comes from giving. Enduring power comes from expressing gratitude. Enduring power comes from telling stories that unite. Power leads to empathy deficits and diminished moral sentiments. Power leads to self-serving impulsivity. Power leads to incivility and disrespect. Power leads to narratives of exceptionalism. Powerlessness involves facing environments of continual threat. Stress defines the experience of powerlessness. Powerlessness undermines the ability to contribute to society. Powerlessness causes poor health. At its core, power is the ability to make a difference in the world. This is a basic human aspiration and need, right up there with the need to be seen and appreciated or the need to eat and drink. Because of our vast differences as humans, we are each uniquely suited to promote the greater good in our own way, ways that are different from everyone else, like pieces of the puzzle. So, how do we go about pursuing this aspiration? Be Aware of Your Feelings of Power "The feeling of power is like a vital force moving through your body, involving the acute sense of purpose that results when we stir others to effective action. The feeling of power will guide you to feel the thrill of making a difference in the world. If you remain aware of this feeling and its context, you will not be entrapped by myths that power is money or fame or social class or a fancy title. Nor will you be held back by the misguided notion that if you are not well endowed in these ways, you cannot make a difference in the world." practice humility "Power is a gift. To influence others is a privilege. To have power is humbling. People who enact their power with humility enjoy more enduring power. Don't be impressed by your own work -- stay critical of it. Accept and encourage the skepticism and the push back of others with an open mind, and encourage it. Remember that others have enabled you to make a difference in the world. There is always more work to do." "The path to success is to take massive, determined actions." -- Tony Robbins Stay focused on Others, and Give "The most direct path to enduring power is through generosity. Give resources, money, time, respect, and power to others. In these acts of giving we empower others in our social networks, enhancing our own ability to make a difference in the world. The more we empower others, the more the greater good is increased." Practice Respect "By directing respect to others, we dignify them. We elevate their standing. We empower them. Practicing respect requires work. There is no reward people value more than being esteemed and respected. Ask questions. Listen with intent. Be curious about others. Acknowledge them. Compliment and praise with gusto. Express gratitude." Change the Psychological Context of Powerlessness "Call into question elements of society that devalue people. And seek change. Create opportunities within your community and workplace that empower those who have suffered disempowerment due to the moral mistakes of the past. This may not feel like the game-changing social revolutions of earlier times, but they are quiet revolutions just the same, and they are very much needed today." This week, reflect on your experience with power -- at home, at work, in your community. Which of these five practices do you need to hone in yourself? How would improving these practices improve your interactions with others and increase your ability to make a difference?

“Powerlessness and silence go together." -- Margaret Atwood As we’ve read through this book on how we gain and lose power in our everyday interactions, we’ve come to define power as the ability to influence and make a difference in the world around us. While I firmly believe that we always have some measure of choice, the reality is that there are those who are powerless, which directly impacts their ability to influence and make a difference in the world. Regardless of the circumstances that contribute to the powerlessness of others — socio-economic status, gender, race, background, etc. — those who experience this state are vulnerable, hurting, fearful, and hopeless, which is often perpetuated or contributed to by those caught within the power paradox. “Powerlessness and the power paradox cannot be separated. In some ways, how a society does or does not respond to its most powerless people is a direct measure of its vulnerability to the power paradox. Understanding the causes and consequences of powerlessness catalyzes our awareness of others and immunizes us against the power paradox, just as allowing ourselves to be indifferent or blind to the consequences of powerlessness can give rise to the power paradox.” Keltner identifies four principles that help us understand the pervasiveness and price of powerlessness. He connects the problem and the solution to threat, stress, health, and ability to contribute. Power Principle 17: Powerlessness Involves Facing Environments of Continual Threat Often, when we think about an environment, we think about the physical space we occupy, and while this is a contributing factor of powerlessness (“The physical conditions of life are more threatening for the less powerful.”), but we must also consider the environments our attitudes, assumptions, and behavior patterns create. Whenever we respond to people in a way that ignores, rejects, excludes, or marginalizes them, it creates an environment of continual threat. In the workplace, this could be the harassment of a woman working in a male dominant industry, the rejection of an applicant because of harsher judgments based on the color of skin, the angry outbursts of an employer for a mistake, or being rude to a customer because of their appearance or attire. Any abuse of power or the negative use of influence creates an environment of continual threat for those with less power. While those who feel powerless are less likely to speak up, express their emotions, or take action, they are hyper-vigilant about the threats around them, which leads to a constant state of stress. Power Principle 18: Stress Defines the Experience of Powerlessness The experience of threat (real or perceived) releases a chemical known as cortisol into our bloodstream. Cortisol is responsible for our defensive reactions, activating our flight-or-fight behaviors and immune system to protect us from threats. “Threats that devalue a person’s social identity are particularly potent triggers.” This means that when someone experiences a constant state of stress brought on by powerlessness, they are more likely to withdraw, make themselves small in their posture and verbal responses, and seem disengaged or unmotivated. "Power is only important as an instrument for service to the powerless." -- Lech Walesa Power Principle 19: Powerlessness Undermines the Individual’s Ability to Contribute to Society "The human stress response is a dictatorial system, shutting down many other processes essential to our engagement in the world. As a result, the chronic stress associated with powerlessness compromises just about every way a person might contribute to the world outside of fight-or-flight behavior." Beyond just the physical effects stress has on the body, such as digestion, sleep, and mental ability, powerlessness deeply impacts a person's sense of purpose and enjoyment of life, or in other words, their sense that they can make a difference in the world around them. Power Principle 20: Powerlessness Causes Poor Health Research also shows that powerlessness has an increased effect on long-term health, including obesity, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, respiratory illnesses, headaches, stomach problems, back pain, and premature aging. The health impact of powerlessness and stress on young children is particularly harmful since it can result in development disorders, rapid onset of various diseases, and shortened lifespan. Despite the sobering nature of Dr. Keltner's findings, there is hope for society's health and well-being if we can rise above the power paradox and make space for those who are powerless. We can Reduce the threats to the identities of the less powerful, Give voice and opportunities to those who have been disenfranchised in the past, Increase the value that the powerless feel they have in society and communicate that they are worthy like everyone else, Other measures centered on generosity, empathy, gratitude, and unity. This week, reflect on your experience with power -- at home, at work, in your community. What can you do to reduce these principles for those who are powerless in your life? How can you give power to those who are powerless?

“Those who have true power share it, while those who hunger power abuse it." -- Royalton Ambrose Besides Machiavelli's philosophy that "it is better to be feared than loved," Lord Acton's second most popular saying around power is, "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." Research indicates that while Machiavelli was wrong -- enduring power comes as a result of focusing on others, earning their respect, and contributing to the greater good -- Lord Acton was correct, "the experience of power destroys the skills that gained us power in the first place" (a.k.a. the power paradox). Because power makes us feel as if we are less dependent on others, it tends to shift our focus away from others to our wants, desires, and perceived needs. "Whether we are at work, out with friends, in encounters with strangers, or with our children, the very skills that enable us to gain respect and esteem [empathy, generosity, gratitude, unifying stories] are corrupted when we are feeling powerful." Keltner determines that power corrupts in four specific ways. Power Principle 13: Power Leads to Empathy Deficits & Diminished Moral Sentiments According to Keltner's research, when we start comparing ourselves to those we think of at the top or bottom of the power ladder, we shift our perception of ourselves and our level of power. The more powerful we feel, the greater the temptation to turn our focus from others to ourselves. This results in a decreased ability to read others' emotions, demonstrate empathy through mimicked body language and verbal tone, actively listen to their experiences and consider their perspective or point of view. Without intentional action, this principle "makes us less likely to benefit from the wisdom of others and less likely to evoke trust in others and gain their esteem. And they make us less likely to experience compassion, gratitude, and elevation." Power Principle 14: Power Leads to Self-Serving Impulsivity Similarly, "the simple concept of power leads people to endorse more impulsive, unethical behavior, apparently neglecting the effects of their actions upon others." The book gives examples of this type of behavior, including cutting off other vehicles and pedestrians in traffic, eating the last cookie when the unspoken law of politeness strongly suggests that we refrain if there isn't enough to go around for an equal share, and becoming involved in a sexual affair. When we succumb to the power paradox, this principle demonstrates that we see ourselves as "above the law," whether unwritten, social, or legal, and free to gratify our every desire while those around us pay the price. "The power-hungry individual follows a path to his own destruction." -- Adler Power Principle 15: Power Leads to Incivility & Disrespect "Every time you say something, you balance your impulse to express your ideas immediately against your appreciation of your listeners and your anticipation of what they might think and want to say." However, those who perceive themselves as more powerful are three times more likely to disregard the social laws of communication and become rude, disrespectful, crass, and/or uncivil. This behavior undermines collaboration, common courtesy, respect, and appreciation, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and shame for those around us. Power Principle 16: Power Leads to Narratives of Exceptionalism When we feel powerful, our stories shift from those that unify us as humanity to those that justify why we are set apart from others. "When it comes to the injustices that we ourselves perpetrate, our power makes us quite adept at rationalizing such acts so that we can preserve the belief that we are moral, ethical agents. Our power blinds us to our own unethical actions." This means we are more likely to admit that we would engage in and condone unethical behavior while simultaneously condemning others for the same actions. "The human mind justifies inequalities of wealth and power, indeed any social rank that places some above others, with stories about the unique and extraordinary qualities of those at the top." This week, reflect on your experience with power -- at home, at work, in your community. How can you intentionally avoid these principles in your life? What actions can you take to maintain your power?

“Everybody can be great because everybody can serve." -- Martin Luther King, Jr. "Throughout history, making a difference in the world has been seen as one of the most crucial and meaningful aspects of human life. Our purpose in life, the specific difference in the world that we are best suited to make, is expressed in this universal experience of power." When an individual feels powerful, they experience high levels of excitement, pleasure, and inspiration which fuels their intentions, aspirations, and goals with less consideration of the possible risks. However, there is a tension within the human experience of power. "It can propel the individual forward in one of two directions: toward the abuse of power and impulsive and unethical actions, or toward benevolent behavior that advances the greater good." While the cost of abusing their power can lead to broken trust, compromise, faltering performance, poor health, and other adverse effects, "when individuals use their power to advance the greater good, they and the people whom they empower will be happier, healthier, and more productive." The key to successfully maintaining power is to stay focused on others. This means considering the needs, wants, and interests of others, not just your own, and empowering them to be their best and give their best every day. This is enduring power supported by four Power Principles! Power Principle 9: Enduring Power Comes From Empathy Before understanding how empathy corresponds with power, we first need to understand what empathy is. The textbook definition of empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Expressed through their facial muscles, tone of voice, and body language, these "emotional expressions provide information about people's feelings, intentions, and moral judgments of the situation at hand, evoke specific reactions in others, serve as incentives in social interactions, and structure our daily interactions." When we practice empathy, we demonstrate respect for those around us by acknowledging their feelings and are better able to respond to their emotional displays in ways that minimize the opportunity for misunderstandings and conflicts. We can increase our empathy by asking open-ended questions, actively listening, giving others the space to voice their views without interruption by practicing silence, and intentionally seeking their input. But if we allow the experience of power to pull our focus on others off course, we will abuse our power and ultimately lose it when the feelings, views, and opinions of others are no longer important or valued by us. Power Principle 10: Enduring Power Comes From Giving While we can give to others in many ways -- sharing resources, encouraging, affirming, valuing, trusting with responsibilities, etc. -- one of the simplest and oldest methods of giving to another human being is by touching them. Touch can be a handshake, fist bump, high-five, pat on the back, a hug, a gentle touch on the arm, etc. Now, I'm obligated to say that not everyone enjoys or appreciates touch to the same degree, so use empathy before touching someone unbidden. However, research indicates that humans will literally die without a kind touch from another. In fact, our brains respond to physical touch by releasing oxytocin, a neurochemical that gives a sense of trust, cooperation, and generosity, and decreases our body's indications of stress (i.e., cortisol and high blood pressure). "Warm, friendly touches of appreciation make others feel esteemed, valued, and good. Touch is a powerful incentive within social interactions." The abusive side of this principle is that rather than giving, we take and take and take, without consideration of the other person and often in excess beyond what we even need. "The purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others." -- Albert Schweitzer Power Principle 11: Enduring Power Comes From Expressing Gratitude "Gratitude is the reverence we feel for things that are given to us, things that we sense are sacred, precious, or irreplaceable. What is given might be a thing, an experience, an opportunity, a condition of life, or a person. Critically, it must be perceived as something we did not attain through our own agency or will." Gratitude is linked to improved health and less stress and promotes positive emotions such as trust and generosity. Additionally, expressions of gratitude within our social interactions advance the greater good because they inspire collaboration, spur productive action, and generate contagious goodwill. But when we turn to abusing our power, we undermine others through our pride and arrogance rather than recognizing the contribution of others and honoring them with our appreciation and gratitude. Power Principle 12: Enduring Power Comes From Telling Stories that Unite Good storytelling contributes to the greater good and promotes enduring power because it unites different people through a shared experience that connects us through our emotions -- mirth, joy, surprise, fear, love, etc. -- helps us make sense of our challenges, struggles, and conflicts, and gives us a sense of identity and purpose. "People who tell more coherent stories about their lives, with clear plot lines, characters, themes, and organizing passions, are physically healthier and find greater purpose later in life. To the extent that our stories have narrative coherence and encourage others, we empower them toward similar ends." But if we abuse our power, we will distance ourselves from those we believe are beneath us because of the negative stories we tell ourselves and others about our own superiority instead of highlighting our common humanity, unique individual and collective significance, and uniting experiences. This week, reflect on your experience with power -- at home, at work, in your community. How do you practice these principles in your life? What actions can you take to increase your power?

“Great leaders find ways to connect with their people and help them fulfill their potential." -- Steven J. Stowell Have you ever watched reality TV shows like Survivor, the Bachelor, or Dance Moms? Let's take Survivor as an example. In case you haven't watched it, the premise of the show is that contestants are transported to a remote warm-weather destination where they have to fend for themselves and compete in team-based (or tribe) challenges. Every three days the contestants vote on who gets eliminated or kicked out. Those who are eliminated are considered the "weak links" in the tribe, meaning that they contribute the least to the group, either in skill, attitude, or behavior. If we were to ascribe to Machiavellian power politics, those who won on these types of shows (and in life) would be the ones who manipulated their way to power, but "science finds that power is not grabbed, but is given to individuals by groups. What this means is that your ability to make a difference in the world is shaped by what other people think of you. Your capacity to alter the state of others depends on their trust in you. Your ability to empower others depends on their willingness to be influenced by you. Your power is constructed in the judgments and actions of others." Let's explore the next four Power Principles! Power Principle 5: Groups Give Power to Those who Advance the Greater Good Through seventy studies or more, Dr. Keltner found that the strongest indicators of who would be given power and influence within their group were those who authentically displayed five social tendencies: Enthusiasm: speaking up, making bold assertions, and expressing an interest in others Kindness: expressing appreciation, cooperating with others, and dignifying what others say and do Focus: articulating clear purposes and direction, keeping others on task Calmness: helping others maintain positive perspectives during times of stress, telling stories that ease tensions, practicing kind speech Openness: asking great questions, listening to others with receptive minds, and offering creative ideas and new perspectives Power Principle 6: Groups Construct Reputations That Determine the Capacity to Influence "Reputation is the judgment of an individual's character arrived at by a social collective. At its core, reputation is about character, trust, and integrity, or the capacity to advance the greater good." If you look at your own group dynamics, say at work, you know who has a good reputation or a bad one, and these reputations influence how you relate to those individuals. "By constructing reputations, groups shape an individual's capacity for influence in two distinct ways:" creating opportunities to influence others and making individuals aware of the consequences of their actions, for good or bad. "The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; to be kind, but not weak; to be humble, but not timid." -- Jim Rohn Power Principle 7: Groups Reward Those who Advance the Greater Good with Status & Esteem When an individual's reputation indicates that they contribute to the well-being of the group, they are rewarded with elevated status through our body language (e.g., blush, bow, head nod, averted gaze, etc.), words (e.g., compliments, flattery, formalities, apologies, praise, etc.), and behaviors (e.g., undivided attention, awards, gifts, seating placement, etc.). "Status, then, is precious; it is something that individuals crave and that groups award selectively to inspire magnanimity and hard work." Power Principle 8: Groups Punish Those Who Undermine the Greater Good with Gossip "Gossip is how we articulate a person's capacity for advancing the greater good and spread that information to others." If you're anything like me, this word (gossip) may not be helpful to you in understanding this social punishment because we often see it as a negative human tendency. So, let's flip the narrative a little. Consider you are looking for a gutter company to replace the gutters on your home. Are you more likely to hire a company with one star and 10 reviews on Google, or a company with 100+ five-star reviews? This is how we use "gossip" to keep those who do not work for the greater good from maintaining power. We obviously need to ensure that we are not abusing this social dynamic to slander or falsely hurt others, but holding others accountable for their actions prevents those less committed to the greater good from gaining or maintaining power. This week, reflect on your experience with power -- at home, at work, in your community. How do you practice these principles in your life? What actions can you take to increase your power?

“We can change the world and make it a better place. It is in your hands to make a difference." -- Nelson Mandela Last week, we examined how we think about power—often in terms of coercion, might, and dominance. While false power may take these forms, true power is about influencing those around you for the betterment of humanity. This may sound idealistic, but I hope you will stay with me and Dr. Keltner as we continue to explore the 20 Power Principles outlined in his book. While Machiavelli's philosophy of power is still prominent in our cultural understanding, The Prince was written during extremely violent times. Compared to today, murder was more common, rape was acceptable, torture was entertainment, and the people were largely powerless to hold others accountable for their actions due to a lack of education, no media outlets, no organized militia, and only a minority believing in anything resembling human rights. Recent research indicates that Machiavelli's coercive, forceful, and dominant power dynamics are stronger indicators of a fall from power than a rise to power. Instead, "people have come to believe that power is best expressed in compassion and enhancing the well-being of others and that warmth and understanding are just as important to strong leadership as forceful, assertive, and bold behavior." Let's explore the first four Power Principles! Power Principle 1: Power is About Altering the States of Others We alter the states of others through our own choices and actions. These states may be economic, political, mental, physical, relational, etc. "Defining power in this way better positions us to understand how power has many forms and how we influence others in multifaceted ways." Perhaps, you demonstrate your power by giving an employee a pay increase, talking to a community about a social injustice, raising awareness of a health need, or demonstrating a new way of doing things. "Power, understood as a way of altering the states of others, helps make sense of how influential art, music, satire, and the written word can be." Power Principle 2: Power is Part of Every Relationship & Interaction "Recognizing that all social relationships are imbued with power can provide us with insight into our personal lives." Whether it's a life partnership, a friendship, a parent/child relationship, an employer/employee relationship, or an interaction with the grocery cashier, etc., there are power dynamics at play. We can choose how we operate and influence within these relationships and interactions -- either to assert our dominance (often due to a feeling of losing power) or place the well-being of others first in our motivations. "True leadership must be for the benefit of the followers, not to enrich the leader." -- John C. Maxwell Power Principle 3: Power is Found in Everyday Actions "People gain power as the result of small, everyday behaviors: by speaking up first, offering a possible answer to a problem, being first to assert an opinion, freeing up everyone's thinking by throwing out a wild suggestion, question, or humorous observation that gets the creative juices flowing. Our power is found in simple acts that bind people together and yield the greatest benefits for the group." Because of this power isn't a stable state; instead, it is always shifting based on your actions, from context to context (i.e., you may experience power while at work, but go home and feel powerless based on your actions within those difference contexts). Power Principle 4: Power Comes From Empowering Others in Social Networks No human operates in a vacuum. "What appears to be an influential act of an individual typically will prove to be a collaboration of many minds, the action of a social network." As 20th-century German-American historian and philosopher Hannah Arendt once observed, "Power corresponds to the human ability not just to act but to act in concert. When we say of somebody that he is 'in power,' we actually refer to his being empowered by a certain number of people to act in their name." This week, reflect on your experience with power -- at home, at work, in your community. How do you practice these principles in your life? What actions can you take to increase your power? What can you do to empower those without power?

“Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power." -- John Steinbeck When you hear, or in this case read, the word "power," what comes to mind? Often, when we think about power, we tend to think of it as an act of coercive force -- something that we struggle to gain and fear losing once we have it. Research shows that "our culture's understanding of power has been profoundly and enduringly shaped by one person -- Niccolò Machiavelli -- and his powerful sixteenth-century book The Prince. According to Machiavelli, power is what dictators and military generals wield to shape countries and politics; business leaders and coworkers get ahead in the rat race and climb the ladder of success; it's how that middle-school bully collects so much lunch money. Within this worldview, power is about being the biggest, meanest, most conniving person. Those who have it will do anything to keep it, and those without it will do anything to get it. But this thinking prevents us from seeing the power dynamics woven through every interaction we have in everyday life. Over the next few weeks, we will explore the research of UC Berkeley social psychologist Dr. Dacher Keltner as we grow through the chapters of his book, The Power Paradox. He explains that "the power paradox is this: we rise in power and make a difference in the world due to what is best about human nature, but we fall from power due to what is worst." As such, how we handle the power paradox "determines our empathy, generosity, civility, innovation, intellectual rigor, and the collaborative strength of our communities and social networks. Its ripple effects shape the patterns that make up our families, neighborhoods, and workplaces, as well as the broader patterns of social organization that define societies and our current political struggles." Redefining Power If we want to handle the power paradox well, we must redefine power as "the capacity to make a difference in the world, in particular by stirring others in our social networks." Another way of thinking about this definition of power is your influence with those around you. Considering power in this way eliminates the limitations of being a dictator, military general, corporate kingpin, celebrity, or other traditionally "powerful" positions; instead, "power defines the waking life of every human being." "If you want to test a [hu]man's character, give [them] power." -- Abraham Lincoln The Misnomer of the "Power Grab" Thanks to Machiavelli, we often think power is something to be seized or grabbed out of the clutches of someone else, but Keltner's research reveals that power is given to us by those around us. "We gain power by acting in ways that improve the lives of other people in our social networks." Our power is directly tied to our reputations and what others think of us. Think about that for a moment. Someone in a position of what we would traditionally consider one of power can lose their influence or their capacity to make a difference because they tanked their reputation; they may still hold the position, but they no longer hold the people. The Feeling of Power While power is the capacity to influence others, there is also a feeling that goes along with it -- a thrill of expectancy, delight, confidence, authority, and importance. These feelings are never wrong in and of themselves, but we've all experienced how our feelings tend to take over our lives. Unfortunately, while they make great servants, they are terrible masters. "Every time we experience power -- a recurrent of feeling in our everyday interactions -- we find ourselves at a moment, a fork in the road, where we must confront perhaps the most important choice we will make in life, yet one we make on a daily basis. Propelled forward by the feeling of power, we can act in ways that lead us to enjoy enduring power, have lasting influence in the world, and continue to be esteemed by others, or we can be seduced by the self-indulgent possibilities that power occasions. Which path you take matters enormously." Any opportunity for power in our lives should lead us to practice empathy, generosity, gratitude, and storytelling for the benefit of others, but straying from the focus on others leads to selfish and shortsighted behavior. "This is the heart of the power paradox: the seductions of power induce us to lose the very skills that enable us to gain power in the first place. By succumbing to the power paradox, we undermine our own power and cause others, on whom our power so critically depends, to feel threatened and devalued." This week, reflect on your experience with power -- at home, at work, in your community. Who holds the power in your relationships? How does that make you feel? How can you change your perception of power to handle the power paradox?

“If no action comes as a result of communication, then the message never really leaves the stage." -- John C. Maxwell Last week, we explored what the purpose of communication is, but the Law of Adding Value only got us part of the answer. The second half comes as we consider the final law of communication, the Law of Results. "Good leaders want to influence people to take action, make changes, and achieve goals to make the world a better place. Good communicators want the same thing. If your motive for [communicating] is anything other than adding value to people and moving them to take positive action that will help them, you're missing the boat." If you want to ensure that your message is connecting with your audience in a way that adds value to them and empowers them to action as a result, John Maxwell gives four actions for you to embrace as a communicator. 1. Be Committed to Action Yourself The first law of communication was the Law of Credibility, which teaches us that the most effective message you can communicate is the one you live. If you want to move people to action and put into practice what you have to teach, you first need to live it yourself. "Your credibility as a communicator comes from backing up with actions the words you say for inspiration. You can teach anything you know, but you reproduce only who you are." 2. Reframe the Way People Think Most people have an idea of what they want, but their good intentions don't often translate into positive action. "As a communicator, one of your goals should be to help people reframe their thinking so that they shift their mindset from good intentions to intentional action." This means helping them understand that if they want to achieve something of value, they need to "do today what they were thinking they might do someday." "Understanding changes minds, but only action changes lives." -- John C. Maxwell 3. Making Taking Action Seem Irresistible Communicating in a way that spurs your audience to action isn't about positional power (making them feel obligated to act), preying on their fears (manipulating them to avoid the consequences), or challenging them with a dare (I-bet-you-can't...). Inspiring your audience to take action in a way that is irresistible means painting a picture of the outcome they will experience if they take action and helping them imagine how they will feel through that experience. Action is irresistible when they can see themselves as part of that possibility. 4. Use Communication to Create a Bridge to Action Once you've inspired your audience, your job isn't done yet. You need to guide them across the bridge between inaction and action. Put the bridge right in front of them -- make the desired action as easy as possible to access. Start them at the beginning -- action can seem overwhelming, but you can help them remember that "you don't have to be great to start, but you do have to start to be great." Show them the value of small steps -- "Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take a step." Remind them that what they do is more important than how they feel -- fear of failure is a significant hindrance to action, but they can't improve if they don't take action; act first, and that will help them feel good. Help them discover that action builds confidence -- "Inaction breeds doubt and fear, while action breeds confidence and courage." This week, answer this question: What action do you need to take to merge the Law of Credibility and the Law of Results? How does your message inspire and move your audience to action?

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -- Maya Angelou What is the purpose of communication, whether you are talking to a friend, instructing a team, facilitating a meeting, giving a keynote, writing a book, etc.? The textbook purpose of communication is "to inform, to express feelings, to imagine, to influence, and to meet social expectations," but this defined purpose is all about the communicator. According to today's communication law, the Law of Adding Value, the purpose of communication is all about putting the audience first and being intentional to give rather than receive. To practice the Law of Adding Value as a communicator, you must do two things: Live good values - this allows you to approach communication with others in mind and keep your motivations straight. Add value to people - this means doing the right things for the right reasons for the people in your audience. Let's dive into five of John Maxwell's practices for the Law of Adding Value! 1. Focus on Sowing, not Reaping If you're unfamiliar with farming or gardening, sowing is all about planting seeds so there will be something to reap during the harvest. Most of us have trouble with sowing because it takes time to see the fruits of our labor! When you're focused on reaping, you ask, "What will I get today?" But if you focus instead on sowing, the question becomes, "What can I give today?" 2. How You View Things is How You Do Things "Everything we do in life is colored by our point of view. Our perspective influences our beliefs, and our beliefs determine our behavior." Suppose you view communication only as a tool to get your point or message across to someone else. In that case, everything -- how you present yourself, the words you use, and the attitude you hold, etc. -- will be influenced by that perspective, and your audience will sense it too. But if you view communication as a tool to add value to others, they will be able to feel that you value them, and they will want to listen to you. 3. Give Everyone a "10" Sometimes, as communicators, coworkers, family members, etc., we judge people before they can show you what's on the inside. Your perception of people will also determine how you respond to them. Imagine for a moment that you're standing in front of a group of people and think, "They're never going to understand or receive my message." How do you think that will influence how you communicate that message to them? According to John, "It's better to believe in people and give them the benefit of the doubt than to judge them. Assume they are 10s until their actions prove otherwise." "Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value." -- Albert Einstein 4. Lift Your Likeability Level "People are reluctant to receive anything from people they don't like, so it's important to be likable as a communicator. If people like you, they will listen to you, and they will allow you to add value to them. If they don't like you, they will ignore you or discount your message." A surefire way to increase your likeability is by genuinely caring about them and generously giving to them without expecting anything in return; "by wanting more for them than you want from them." 5. Run a Different Race Our culture, especially in America, is undoubtedly hyper-focused on getting the best, being the best, and getting ahead. But as you consider what kind of communicator you want to be, choose to run a different race. "When the race we run is about others, then when they finish ahead of us, that's a win for us. Many people believe they are successful because they have everything they want. They have added value to themselves. But I believe significance comes when you add value to others, and you can't have true success without significance." This week, answer this question: What does it mean for you to add value to those around you? How can you intentionally add value through your communication?

“No word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause." -- Mark Twain Last week, we covered the Law of the Change-Up, which says that sameness is the death of communication. And I told you that we'd be splitting this chapter into two parts because I wanted to focus on the power of "the pause." Silence is not something that most people, let alone communicators, are very comfortable with; it feels risky to pause and let silence reign for a moment. But there truly is power in a well-timed pause. If you haven't read last week's post, I would recommend hitting pause on this one and going back a week, but otherwise, let's dive into why "the pause" is so significant in communication! 1. The Pause Can Emphasize What You're Saying When communicating, the pause adds weight to what you just said. "Silence can underline an important statement." Consider, for a moment, that you just told your audience something life-changing. If you pause, it allows time for the significance to sink in. But if you drop that life-changing word and keep going, it undermines the importance of what you just said. "Any time you stop, it gets people's attention and causes them to focus on what was just said." 2. The Pause Can Give Your Audience a Chance to Catch Up The pause can also allow your audience to stay with you and help you, as the communicator, slow down. "Don't be afraid of silence. Communication isn't meant to be an all-out sprint. It's meant to be an enjoyable journey." 3. The Pause Can Bring Your Audience Back to You Have you ever been listening to someone and found your mind wandering? It's unrealistic to think that you will capture your audience 100% of your time; we all wander from time to time, but using the pause will help your audience refocus on what is happening. As a communicator, "you are a guide taking others on a journey. If they wander, don't plow ahead and leave them behind; wait for them. Silence draws them back to you and what you're saying." "Silence is an act of war against the competing voices within us." -- Henri Nouwen 4. The Pause Can Point to What You're Going to Say Next "When you stop talking for no apparent reason, your audience assumes there must be a reason. And they become very attentive." Think of it as building suspense! Something important is about to happen, and you can use the pause to make sure your audience is on the edge of their seat waiting for it. 5. The Pause Allows You to Reveal Your Emotions "Silent moments are great opportunities to let people see your heart. If something is deeply meaningful to you when you're speaking, and it is genuinely choking you up, don't try to hide it. Simply pause until you can speak clearly." Your authenticity will allow your audience to empathize with you and connect with you on an even deeper level. 6. The Pause Allows You to Pivot to What You Want to Say Next The pause is a great way to transition your communication from one topic or mood to another. It gives you time to transition and lets your audience stay with you on the journey without abrupt changes. 7. The Pause Allows a Listener to Hear "the Whisper" Last but certainly not least, the pause gives your audience a moment for self-reflection. This is my favorite use of the pause and the one I use most frequently. "When you as a communicator stop speaking and allow each person to hear the whisper that can be heard only by them alone, the impact and benefit can be so much greater than any words you might say in that same moment." This week, answer this question: How can you incorporate the pause into your communication style? What benefits do you think it will give your audience the most?

“Even if your content is fine, your intentions are right, and your thesis is strong, if your audience isn't engaged, you need to change things up to get people engaged." -- John C. Maxwell Imagine for a moment that you're watching a movie or reading a book. What happens when you get bored? Maybe the plot isn't engaging, the characters are unrelatable, or you've already guessed the ending -- whatever the reason, what happens in your mind when you get bored? Most of us check out by turning off or leaving the movie, putting the book down, or letting our minds wander to other things, even if it doesn't match what's in front of us. As a communicator, you must keep your audience engaged and excited about what you have to share. Once you've got their attention, you have to keep it. This chapter teaches the Law of the Change-Up because "sameness is the death of communication." Steve Martin, stand-up comedian, actor, musician, and writer, is often asked what makes him successful, and his answer is always, "Be so good they can't ignore you." Do you want to be so good in your communication that they can't ignore you? I'm sure the answer is yes because whether you are communicating with one person or hundreds, most of us don't communicate just for our enjoyment; we communicate because we have a message we need to share. John Maxwell gives us four practical ways to change your communication to stand out from the crowd, capture your audience's attention, and keep them on the edge of their seats. 1. Use Movement and Facial Expressions Now, we're not talking about nervous movements like swaying, shifting your weight, or fidgeting; these types of movements will only cause distraction and diminish your ability to connect with your audience. Instead, think about intentional movement -- moving to indicate the passage of time or moving closer to your audience to increase intimacy, smiling, making eye contact, and acting out the emotions of your story. These are just a few examples: get creative to grab and keep your audience's attention, but whatever methods you use, make sure they are authentic to who you are. 2. Understand and Practice Good Timing "Timing is the art of regulating your speech and movement in relation to your audience to produce the best results. That includes using the right words, facial expressions, movements, tone, and interactions; with the best rhythm and speed; at the best time." To get your timing right, consider these three things: What I see determines when I speak - remember from last week, you need to learn to read the room. "Be proactive and alert and adapt to what you see." What I say determines when I speak - set your audience up and build anticipation. What I show determines when I speak - use visuals to help communicate and let them speak louder than your words can. "Sameness is boring. And Forgettable. It's like having the same food, three meals a day, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year. We human beings crave change." -- John C. Maxwell 4. Practice the Pause Mark Twain once said, "No word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause." And John and I couldn't agree more. Often, we think of silence as the opposite of communication, but in reality, intentional silence "gives people the time and space to respond in their minds and hearts. It's where they fill in the blanks and meet what is said with their own thoughts, experiences, and conclusions." I believe so much in the power of the pause that I will not move us to the next chapter next week but expound on John's words of wisdom focused on using pause and silence in your communication effectively. 5. Create Interaction with Your Audience The more you involve people, the more you impact them because "interaction turns a speech into an experience. The more variety you bring to your communication, the more they will enjoy the journey as you take them where they need to go with your message." Whether you ask for audience participation, directly ask one or two participants a question, invite them to talk to their neighbor, or repeat things back to you, these are all ways that you can draw your audience into your message rather than just allowing them to passively listen (or not) while you talk. This week, answer this question: Which communicators do you admire? Find videos of their communications and watch how they apply these four practices. How can you naturally apply these four practices? Which one doesn't come as naturally to you? How can you improve?